Wrong Number
by bornonhalloween
Summary: A wrong number dialed in a panicked moment might just lead to HEA. Edward/Bella, sweet and fluffy with a dash of humor. Rated M for naughty situations.
1. Chapter 1

**WRONG NUMBER**

**~W#~**

"Have I told you lately how much I love you, B?"

Bella barely had time to press her index finger onto the page before the warm, hard, naked-but-for-a-jock-strap body crushed her in a bear hug from behind. Wrapping one muscled forearm around her shoulders and the other around her waist, Emmett planted a sloppy kiss on the side of her head. "This shoot rocks, Bella! I think it's gonna be our best ever!"

"Glad you and the boys are enjoying yourselves," she answered, one eye still on the page she'd read at least ten times over the last few months.

Emmett loosened his grip, pulled back just enough to see where her attention was. "Are you kidding me? You have to be the only chick on the planet who'd have her nose in a book instead of watching the Gifted Boys shoot their latest video!"

"Was there something you needed, Em?"

"Oh, I have everything I need . . . and then some." Emmett turned his head toward the two bowling alleys at the far end of the building, grinning as he surveyed the scene: seven lucky boys who had won a spot in the spring promo, dressed only in the skimpiest underwear and bowling shoes, huddled in two pairs and a threesome, locking lips and getting comfortable with each other as they settled in for the shoot. "You sure you don't want to bowl with us?"

Bella smiled. "Someone is actually bowling?"

The right side of Emmett's face lifted in a cute scrunch. "No, not really. A couple of them picked out balls, but then they got distracted with the finger holes, and . . . let's just say things went in a different direction." With his killer blue eyes and asymmetrical dimples, Emmett's face was as compelling as his gorgeous body. A fat lot of good it would do her, or any other woman.

After nearly two years on the job, Bella had learned not to want what she could never have. The work was professionally satisfying—certainly more interesting than working as a production assistant for her crusty boss at PBS—the boys were beautiful specimens, brimming with youth and passion, and her share of the endorsements paid off her student loans in a matter of months. All well and good for a career, but she was never going to find her Mr. Right on the job.

"Okay, boss. I'll let you get back to your boyfriend," he said with a downward glance at her book. "They're firing up the music and lights. Best _strike_ while the iron's hot!" Emmett's perfectly sculpted eyebrows danced as he laughed at his little bowling joke.

"_Spare_ me, McCarty!" she yelled over his retreating shoulder and the loud booming beat.

He gave her a too-cool-to-turn-around flick of his hand overhead, breaking into a bouncy jog toward the action. _Get your mind out of the gutter, girl. _Bella watched with a wistful shake of her head as the plump, exposed cheeks disappeared into the welcoming crush of hot bodies.

_Damn, this newest crop of boys was an enthusiastic bunch!_ Emmett was drawn in with heated smiles, eager tongues, and grabby hands. _When will I have my turn to be kissed with such passion? _Bella wondered.

_Tomorrow, _the tiny, romantic voice inside her squealed. Immediately, the practical side took over, quashing all hope that this once-in-a-lifetime photo op with Edward Cullen would bring her the outrageous outcome she only allowed herself to imagine in the most remote corner of her soul.

_Don't be a fool! _she chided, having seen firsthand how the fans of the Gifted Boys made utter and complete fools of themselves, fawning and cooing and asking to see their thongs "in action." Granted, her boys were only interested in other boys, and if the rumors about Edward were true, he not only enjoyed the company of women; he was quite the connoisseur.

_Fantastic! I'm sure I'm just what he'll go for: mousy, ordinary, pathetic fangirl who spends her days and nights with beautiful naked men who barely notice her. Yup._

Holding her spot three-quarters of the way down page 367, just at the point where Cork's angry tirade over Niagra's audacious bravery on his behalf turns into their first kiss, Bella flipped the back cover closed with a dreamy sigh.

Why did the man have to be so damn striking? She would have loved him anyway—and _did_, in fact—from the first descriptive passage of Niagra's lonely heart in the very first book in his sci-fi-rom-com series, _Planets Between Us. _She loved Edward Cullen long before Hyline Productions bought the rights to the movie, before the whole world fell in love with his characters—and very shortly after, with him. In fact, she was probably the only woman on _this_ planet who truly loved him for his mind.

_Damn his glowing emerald balls of fire for eyes and geometrically-chiseled chin and crazy fresh-out-of-the-sheets hair, and most of all, damn those fidgety, elegant fingers that always turned up in the most awkward places in pictures—zippers and back pockets and foreheads and napes. Damn the Facebook groups with his pictures plastered all over the place so that any undeserving girl with even minimally functioning lady parts would be drawn to him. _

_Damn all those beautiful girls who would catch his eye tomorrow instead of her._

"Now, now, Bella, you'll defeat yourself before you even say hello," her mother would have said. _And what would Charlie say?_ Bella smiled, even as her eyes filled with tears. She knew exactly what her dad would say. "Damn, I wish your mother were here. I stink at this girl stuff. Why'd she have to go and get sick on us?"

Before Bella could travel any further down Morose Boulevard, her cell phone vibrated in her back pocket. Turning away from the pounding din at the opposite end of the room, she paused to check the caller—unknown. _Fabulous._

_"__Hey, it's me. Listen, I just flew into town and went over to the house to pick up Mom, and she was lying on the floor clutching her heart! I had to call 911."_

"What? Who is this?" Bella's heart pounded fast and hard as she pulled the phone from her ear and looked again at the unknown caller. Area code 917? _Where the fuck was that?_ "Is this a prank?"

_"__Prank? No, Allie, it's me."_

"Allie? Hang on, I can't hear you. Just a sec." Running to the door, Bella pushed it open and burst into the relative quiet of the parking lot. "Okay, say again. Who is this?"

_ "__You've got to get down here. Now. I don't know if she'll last the night. Crap, this is so bad. See you soon."_

"Wait, I think you have—"

_"__Oh, we're at UCSF. Sorry, my head isn't right."_

"—the wrong number. Hello? _HELLO?"_

Shit shit shit shit! Somebody's mother was dying and she wasn't going to get there in time because this poor guy dialed Bella's number by mistake? How did shit like this always happen to her?

_Redial! Pick up . . . pick up . . . _

_Of course he's not going to pick up the unknown number because he's a sane person! If I had done the same, this guy would now be getting my voice mail and realize he'd made a terrible mistake. And now, I have no way to—_

_"__Hello?"_

The new connection was even worse than the first. Bella could barely hear him.

"Hey! You just called me! I needed to let you know—"

_"__Oh, Al. Great, it's you! I forgot to ask you to call Jazz and let him know I can't make Comic Con."_

"Comic Con? What? I can't hear you!"

_"__Sorry I'm whispering. I'm not supposed to be using my cell in the hospital. Messes with the equipment or something. Look, just tell Jazz what's going on. Bengela can handle the panel. Gotta go. Drive safe."_

"Wait!"

_Gone._

_Holy fucking shit! Comic Con? BENGELA? The blended star names of the leads in _Spontaneous Generation_, Edward Cullen's new movie? _

_I have to stop standing here staring at my damn cell phone and do something! Edward Cullen needs me! I am on a mission from almost-God!_

Setting aside the brush with greatness to savor after the crisis, Bella forced herself to recall what she knew: Edward Cullen was at UCSF Medical Center with his probably-dying mother; someone named Jazz was responsible for his appearance at Comic Con; his sister Allie needed to be notified that her mother was in critical condition.

Her phone shook like a leaf in a tornado as she attempted to open her Google app. The fact that her other hand was also shaking certainly didn't help matters, but after several failed attempts, she was able to type: "Edward Cullen agent Jazz."

_Please be listed. Please be listed. Please be listed_.

**About 7,810,000 results.**

"Crap! Damn you, Google! Shit! Think, Bella, think! Who do I know in the movie industry?"

Over the out-of-control beat of her heart, the music filtered through the closed door. "Duh! Of course! Garrett, Garrett, pick up!"

_"__This is Garrett."_

"Oh my god, Garrett! Thank God you're there!"

_"__Bella? What is it? Has something gone wrong at the shoot? Is someone hurt?"_

"Oh god, no. Sorry, I mean, someone is but not one of yours."

"_Okay, calm down, Bella. Take a breath. What's going on?"_

"I need your help. I just got the craziest phone call."

_"__From?"_

"From Edward Cullen."

_"__What? I am not following. Edward Cullen, the guy whose books are always tucked under your arm? Didn't he do the screenplay for that YA film Hyline is about to release?"_

"It's not YA! It's sci-fi-rom-com!"

_"__Fine, whatever. Why on earth would Edward Cullen be calling you?"_

"Gee, thanks, boss. That's just it, Gar. He didn't mean to. He dialed my number by accident. His mom was having a heart attack or something, and he was really out of it, and I think he meant to call his sister, and now she won't be able to see her mom before she dies, and it's all my fault for picking up my cell because it would have just gone to voicemail, and he would've known he had the wrong number and—"

_"__WHOA! Bella, you seriously need to breathe. Are you still at the Megabowl?"_

"Yes!"

_"__Okay, tell me the facts. How do you know it was him?"_

Garrett listened patiently while Bella dumped the facts as they came back to her, miraculously conveying enough that he could put together the pieces and come up with something resembling a plan.

_"__I know the PR guy for Hyline, Jasper Whitlock. Good guy. Let me make a couple quick calls. Sit tight."_

"Thank you, Garrett."

_"__Bella, promise me you're not going to operate any heavy machinery. Whatever you do, stay away from your car."_

"Yes, yes, I promise. Go! Make the calls! Call me back!"

Bella poked her head back into the building just long enough to make sure nobody was looking for her, then escaped again into the quiet night. Her stomach flipped and gurgled, an awkward combination of guilt, excitement, dread, and terror. Beneath it all, she was ashamed to identify a deep-seated disappointment that she wouldn't have her photo op with Edward Cullen after all.

_Shame on you, Bella Swan._

_Yes, I know. I don't deserve to call myself a fan._

Her phone shook in her already trembling hand. Another unknown number, this one area code 310. _Now what?_

"Hello? Who is this?" She gave herself a mental pat on the back for asking up front this time.

_"__Is this Bella Swan?"_

"Yes, and you are . . .?"

_"__My name is Jasper Whitlock. I got this number from Garrett Pace. Do I have the right party? This is an emergency!"_

"Yes, sorry, this is Bella."

_"__Okay, good. Garrett filled me in, and I just want to check my facts before I go calling Alice and getting her all ruffled. You can understand why I wouldn't want to scare the bejeezus out of my girlfriend if I've got my facts screwed up."_

"Of course." _Edward's sister is dating Hyline's publicist? _

_"__Garrett tells me Edward was trying to reach Alice to tell her that their mother is ill?"_

"Yes, they were at the UCSF Medical Center when he called. He said it was urgent, that she wouldn't last the night. I'm sorry," she added.

_"__Fuck, I was afraid of that, and Edward isn't answering his cell. This is not good. Okay, I've got to go."_

"Oh, Jasper, wait! Did Garrett mention Comic Con, that Edward said he wouldn't be able to make it?"

_"__That's the least of my worries right now. Thank you so much for making sure the information got to us. I really have to go."_

"Of course, of course. Yes. Good luck."

_Send Edward my regards. Give him a kiss for me. On the lips. Tell him I love him. Aw hell, don't let him be too sad. I'd hate for him to be sad._

Bella opened the door and walked back into the building, a ten-ton weight slung across her shoulders. And yet, underneath it all, there was the undeniable thrill: she'd spoken to Edward Cullen!

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note**: The last 10,000 words of this story were donated to the _Disaster Relief Compilation,_ a project undertaken by the fandom to ease the suffering of the victims of the recent earthquakes in Chile and Nicaragua. When the blackout period ends in early September, I will post the remainder of the story here. Thank you all for your interest in the story.

Much love to **Ladyeire3** for helping mold the plot and characters around my very vague plot bunny, injecting life and humor into the story and the writing process, and gifting me with the beautiful banner. To my sweet Sue (a.k.a. **chayasara**), thank you for patiently moving my commas to where they belong from whence they did not and for keeping your eye on the loftiest of expectations while one foot is always in the gutter with me.

Thank you, also, to **Mina Rivera** and **Ana Fluttersby**, without whose giant hearts this compilation would not have happened. And to the amazing **Ysar**, a kind, generous, brilliant soul who does all the heavy lifting for the fandom. I hope to meet you one day, my mysterious friend!  
XXX


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: *WAVES* Hey! Remember this one? Chapter One was posted a couple months ago as a teaser for the Fandom Gives compilation. Today is the first day we are allowed to post our stories, so here is the first of five more chapters for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!**

* * *

**~WRONG NUMBER 2~**

_From the surreal to the sublime, _she mused, scanning the erotic scene before her. She had to hand it to Garrett and his brilliant methods. This fresh crop of Gifted Boys had been lifting weights and rehearsing dance routines and undressing and parading around together for three weeks now under their employer's strict no-touch, no-kiss, no-fuck policy—all leading up to this shoot. Of course, Emmett, being the sole long-term employee and crown jewel of the GB stable, was exempt from this rule, having made it quite clear long ago that he would quit rather than abstain for a three-week stretch. Bella always enjoyed the challenge of predicting which of the new boys Emmett would select. Naturally, being chosen by "The" Gifted Boy not only elevated one lucky rookie's status but also extended the special exemption by association.

Whether Emmett, his blond twink with the cute bubble butt, or one of the other six boys had arrived on set most eager to play, clearly the eight of them were firecrackers with their wicks standing on end and jonesing for a match. The action on set had definitely heated up since she'd stepped outside. Glow-in-the-dark confetti littered the wood lanes and clung to the sticky skin and hair of the writhing models. From the looks of things, the unmatched six had had no problems coupling up. Being an incurable romantic, Bella couldn't help her curiosity about how many would stay together for shoot number two and how many would decide to switch it up. Experience told her there would be plenty of experimenting before this crop of hot bods was through. _Boys will be boys._

Whether by design or necessity, each pair was situated in a different part of the set: two boys were rolling around on the hardwood alley between the gutters; another couple down at the end was making creative use of the bowling pins; a third pair was using the scoring table to project lewd imagery onto the overhead screen (_nice touch, _thought Bella); and Emmett's newest lover was ankle-wrapped around the giant stud's back, sloppy-kissing and twerking all over him. In short, Garrett's boys looked damn happy.

Snapping back into professional mode, Bella scanned for the director, who was checking with the camera crew, sound, and lighting; heads were nodding; smiles were widening. Garrett would be pleased with the results, and with any luck, they'd actually sell some underwear.

_Damn, it's hard to believe any of us get paid for this._

Between the hot lights and hotter action, a thick, sweaty, sex-den musk rose from the writhing bodies and permeated the air. The scene was fast approaching the do-or-be-done tipping point—a very good time for the only woman among a sea of over-stimulated gay men to find her way to the door, not that anyone minded being watched; it just made her feel intensely lonely and not just a little creepy.

Besides, Bella had far more pressing concerns tonight as she climbed into her A7. Her head was spinning with Edward's desperation, and his phone number was burning a hole in her pocket.

By now, hopefully, Allie had arrived at his side. The two of them were probably holding hands at their mother's bedside. _Would he be saying a prayer? Feeling guilty for not spending more time visiting?_

It would be inappropriate for Bella to call him back.

_Right?_

Maybe just a text, then.

_No, Bella. Too soon._

Damn her conscience. _Why can't I just be a crazy fangirl like the rest and rush over to that hospital with five dozen fresh-from-the-oven oatmeal raisin cookies and plant myself by the door? He has to come out eventually, right?_

_Yes, perfect. Catch him as he's coming out of the room where his mother has just passed on. _

Bella imagined wrapping her arms around the man, tear-streaked, wrecked, and desolate to his core. "_Here, let me comfort you," _she'd say.

_"__You're so beautiful and kind. Who are you?" _he'd respond.

_"__I'm the wrong number you called, but I'm more than that. I've loved you forever. I know your soul."_

"Hold me."

The blare of a horn jarred Bella from her fantasy, sending her heart racing as she realized exactly how far afield she'd drifted this time. Garrett was right; she wasn't fit to drive.

_I'll wait until tomorrow, call the hospital for a patient update on Mrs. Cullen, and go from there, _she decided. Sticking to her solid plan, Bella arrived home without further incident, tossed her pocketbook onto the table near the door, and sped through her apartment toward her sanctuary. Sinking into her well-worn, tan leather recliner, Bella set her gaze upon the contents of the shelf of honor: her personal Edward Cullen library and the photo collage Emmett had made her as a gag gift for her last birthday.

_"__Oh great! Yet another unobtainable man," she'd protested with the tiny portion of her that wasn't rendered speechless by the montage of godly perfection._

_"__You're welcome," Emmett had responded with a giant grin and a warm hug. "And yes, these are all from his photo shoots. No pap pics and none with . . . well, it's your birthday, so we won't mention you-know-who."_

_"__Nice, Em," she'd answered with a friendly dig of her elbow into his ridiculously tight abs, "as if you like her any more than I do."_

_Emmett had given her one of his adorable, eye-rolly-deep-dimpled smiles. "Hey, if the guy insists on dipping his brush in the v, there's only one paint can worthy, and that's yours, B."_

Bella sighed, a confused tangle of emotions playing tug-of-war with her heart: disappointment that she wouldn't be meeting her idol any time soon, exhilaration that she'd actually spoken to him on the phone, profound sadness for his loss, and a strange sense of pride in choosing for herself a hero of a man who was such a devoted son.

A loud banging on her door intruded on her fitful dreams. She bolted out of her cozy chair, confused and stiff and annoyed as hell. "Hang on! I'm coming! It's Saturday, for god's sake! What's so damn imp—_oh_!"

"So sorry, Miss Swan," the short, plump building manager was saying from behind an enormous bouquet of daisies in every imaginable shade. "The delivery boy made me promise to bring them right up."

"Thank you. Sorry, I didn't sleep very well," she babbled, "not that you need to know that. Anyway, thanks."

_Flowers? For me? _Bella ticked off all the important holidays and personal milestones but couldn't come up with a match with today's date.

"Well, happy birthday . . . or whatever," the manager added as Bella closed the door behind her.

_Edward Cullen sent me flowers! It's the only reasonable explanation! _she concluded, tearing into the envelope and willing her hands to stop shaking long enough to read the brief message:

**With deep appreciation for your kindness,  
****The Hyline team and the family of Edward Cullen  
****Jasper M. Whitlock**

_Jasper Whitlock_. Of course. Or the assistant of the assistant to his assistant. _What a beautiful gesture, _she offered her brutally disappointed soul.

_Not really working._

As she centered the glass vase on her kitchen counter, a happy idea struck her, and she dashed across her living room to dig out her phone—which, not having been charged last night, was now completely dead, along with her lifeline to Edward Cullen.

"Shit, shit, shit!" she muttered, zooming into the kitchen for her charger and poking the thing indelicately into the opening at the bottom of her cellphone. "Turn on! Here, apple, apple! Yesss!"

Bent over the counter, Bella opened her call log and carefully stored the two no-longer-mysterious numbers from last night.

_Jasper Jazz Whitlock, Hyline Pictures, PR Mgr. _

_Edward OMGOMGOMG Cullen! Writer-screenwriter-hottie._

Savoring the prospect of filling out Edward Cullen's profile with fun facts and ringtones, Bella instead opened the more practical of the two contacts and began typing a text to Jasper Whitlock.

This wasn't stalker activity; it was a thank-you note. _A thank-you note is always appropriate, _her mother would have urged. Sure, she was stretching the concept, sending a thank you note for thank you flowers. Before she could talk herself out of it, she sent the text, keeping everything uber-professional, just as she'd been taught:

**Mr. Whitlock:  
Thank you so much for the beautiful flowers. They were completely unnecessary. I'm so happy I could help, but of course, my heart breaks for the Cullens. (I am a huge fan and had been so looking forward to meeting Mr. Cullen at today's panel.) If you would pass along my heartfelt sympathy, I would be most appreciative.**

**Thank you so very much,  
****Bella Swan**

_Yes, it was too formal, too long, and too gushy, but what the hell, right?_

With a reckless tap of her index finger, the message was on its way. Setting down her phone, Bella forced herself to shower and was almost feeling human again by the time she returned to the kitchen to scrounge up something for breakfast.

Yogurt and spoon in hand, she settled onto one of the stools and swung her legs under the counter. When she was no longer able to continue her game of hard-to-get with her iPhone, she slid the thing in front of her and tapped the screen to life.

_One missed call._

It's probably Garrett about the shoot

, she lied to herself even as she opened the icon. Her heart pounded in her ears to the beat of _Edward Cullen has my number, _a rhythm she couldn't quite stop herself from hearing, no matter how hard she tried to push away the hope.

_Jasper Jazz Whitlock, _the log read. Not Edward, but close! She scrolled and tapped, praying he'd left a voicemail or at least a return text. _ONE_ _VOICEMAIL MESSAGE!_

"Holy shit!" The spoon clanked to the counter, forgotten along with her hunger. Bending low to the counter, she pressed her head to the charging phone while the voice of Edward Cullen's book's movie's production company's PR manager filled her ear with one miraculous word after the next:

**_Hi, Bella. This is Jasper Whitlock from Hyline. Sorry I missed you. Your text was so sweet. Please let me reassure you. Mrs. Cullen did suffer a massive heart attack, but Edward was able to get her help in time, and she is resting quietly now and expected to make a full recovery. As for that panel appearance, we'd like you to be our special VIP guest today, and of course, you'll have a meet-and-greet with Edward. He is most anxious to express his appreciation in person. That's 11 a.m. in the main exhibit hall. Just give your name at security, and they'll bring you right up front. I know Edward is looking forward to meeting you._**

"Holy shit holy shit holy shit!" She yanked the phone from the cord and replayed the message just to be sure her ears hadn't deceived her.

"OH MY GOD, holy actual shit!"

Glancing at her watch and doing some quick calculations, Bella figured she had about twenty minutes to pretend she had a clue what to do with her hair and make-up and HOLY SHIT, SHE WAS ABOUT TO MEET EDWARD CULLEN!

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note:** Who knew that was coming? LOL! Hope you're enjoying this silly little story. All the love to Ladyeire and Chayasara for their invaluable, immeasurable help and encouragement.  
XOXOXO ~BOH


	3. Chapter 3

**~WRONG NUMBER 3~**

Racing around her apartment like a complete lunatic, Bella yanked on the navy tank dress with built-in boob shelf she'd planned on wowing Edward with, twisted her hair into a fairly sad, home-grown version of the updo she'd practiced in front of the YouTube video about a thousand times, and plunged her feet into the four-inch heels chosen with the romantic idea of bringing her lips that much closer to his. She blamed Edward for all of it; every detail was based on one of his crazy, unpredictable interviews or a passage in one of his books.

_I hope there is at least one kernel of truth in his fiction,_ she prayed as she stuffed the whole lot of Edward Cullen books into her environmentally-correct Whole Foods shopping bag. _Just in case,_ she reasoned.

Packed up and as primped as she'd ever get, Bella high-heel-tiptoed her way from the parking garage elevator toward her car.

_Click-clack. _No response. No headlights flashing, no happy-to-see-you-this-morning chirp. _Click-clack, click-clack, click-clack, FUCK!_

"Okay, okay, not the end of the world. I have a dead battery in my key. I'll just open the door manually, put the key in the ignition, and . . ." _Nothing_.

"FUUUUUCK! FUCK! FUCK! OF ALL THE FUCKING DAYS! Damn you, car! Damn y—"

_Oh. _The front door was slightly ajar. _Gee, I wonder how I could have not noticed that, _Bella berated herself. Still, shouldn't the lights have turned off automatically? She peered in through the driver's window. The knob was switched to the "on" position instead of "auto" where she always, always, ALWAYS kept it.

_Must've bumped that with my knee on the way out! _"Fuck! double fuck!"

Burrowing through her purse, she located her cellphone. Triple A would never get to her on time, and she couldn't trust a taxi. When push came to shove, there was one person she could count on no matter what, and hopefully, he would forgive her for waking him up so damn early.

"What the FUCK, B? Do you know how late we were out last night? Crap! Now I've woken up Riley. Hey, gorgeous, while you're up . . . yeah, mmm, yeah, deeper, baby . . . Yeah, all is forgiven, Bella. Talk to you later." _Click._

_What the hell is it with men hanging up on me lately? _she wondered as she angrily redialed.

"EMMETT, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! Get that boy off your cock, and get over to my apartment pronto! I need a jump!"

"Whoa, whoa! We really do need to get you laid, but you know I don't do girls, B."

"Oh my GOD, you are such an arrogant . . . _Ugh! _Never mind! I need you to jump my CAR! I have an important appointment, and my battery is dead!"

"Oh," he answered in a far-too-calm, not-moving voice. "Why didn't you say so? Hold on, this isn't your Comic Con thing, is it?"

"YES, and I need a jump! Please, Emmett, I am begging you."

"All right, girlfriend. Don't get your jock in a bunch. Emmett to the rescue. Sit tight."

"Emmett, please hurry. I can't be late!"

He showed up ten minutes later, waving her over to his Porsche, not a jumper cable in sight. "Hop in, babe. I'm not letting you drive in your condition. You're a menace to society. Damn, you look hot . . . for a chick."

"I love and hate you, Emmett!" Bella protested as she stuffed herself into the passenger seat.

Emmett's laughter filled up the small interior of his car as he pulled out of her apartment complex. "So what else is new?"

"Have you thought about how I'm supposed to get home? The taxi line will be around the block!"

"What time will you be done?"

"I don't know, two maybe?"

"Just call the bat phone. I'll send one of the boys if I'm tied up." His grin told her he had every intention of being tied up.

Could she really blame Emmett for making the most of his situation? Had she not fantasized about how things could go with Edward Cullen after that first hello? Despite her more angelic voice's insistence that her intentions were pure and chaste, that she wanted nothing more than to meld with his brilliant mind, she had to own up to imagining hard kisses and demanding hands.

"You might want to take a moment to gather yourself before you go in."

Emmett was staring at her with a combination of amusement and concern. Apparently, they had arrived, and even more apparently, her other-than-innocent thoughts were written all over her face, at least to her best friend.

"Thanks, Emmett. I appreciate this," she said, slipping her finger through the metal clip to open the door.

He reached over and put his hand on her knee. "Knock 'im dead, B. But not really. I mean, he's pretty hot, and I still have a little hope he's got some man-love in him."

"God, Emmett, has anyone ever told you, you talk too much?"

"Daily," he said, adding his famous wave as he zoomed away.

_10:53. _No time for deep, cleansing yoga breaths or last-minute changes of heart. This was happening. Now.

Pushing away a mountain of insecurities, Bella lifted her chin and marched with purpose—as much as she could in her fashion-forward, safety-backward shoes—past the long line of fangirls growing more impatient and desperate with each passing minute. Ignoring the, "Hey, who do you think you are?" and "Line's back there, bee-otch" calls, she grabbed the wrist of the first security guard she came across and spilled her story.

He scanned her with a cool, professional eye from the top of her makeshift bun to the heels of her too-high shoes, and for one terrifying moment, Bella was sure he wouldn't let her in—or worse.

"How fast can you walk in those things?"

"Not very," she admitted.

"The way I see it," he explained, "you have two choices. Try to keep up with me and hope these girls don't rip your head off on the way, or let me get you inside my way."

Something about his smirk told her she wasn't going to like either option. "Your way?"

Taking her question for an answer, he scooped her up so quickly, she barely felt her feet leave the ground. Then they were flying, or at least, she was. "Hang on!"

"Oh . . . my . . . god! She tightened her grip around the man's tree trunk of a neck and tucked her book bag against his chest. "Do you treat all your VIPs this way?"

They were inside now, running past the rows and rows of people who had walked to their seats using their own two feet, but he wasn't slowing down. "Friends of Edward get star treatment," the giant answered. "Here we are, row one." _Row ONE?_

He bent and tilted her body so that her feet slid gracefully to the floor. "Thanks for the lift!" she said, noting with dismay that she was far more breathless than her ride.

Giving her a little salute, the security guard disappeared into the crowd just in time for the emcee to start the show. For a woman who made a damn good living minding the production details most people would have missed—camera angles, props, continuity, the interplay of light and shadows—Bella watched the proceedings of the next ninety minutes with surprisingly little awareness of anything beyond Edward Cullen. Not that there wasn't plenty to pay attention to there: his ever-changing facial expressions, his quick-witted, balls-out-honesty, the occasional inappropriate-yet-highly-appreciative glances at Angela Weber's cleavage, those twitchy, always-wandering-where-they-shouldn't fingers, and the one feature that made Bella forget every single thing she ever learned in school—that smile that had about a thousand moods. Bella could have happily sat there for hours or days; the spell that man could weave without even trying!

_"__. . . And those of you who have purchased a photo op with Edward Cullen, please form a line just to the right of the stage."_

_This is it!_

Grasping the handles of her tote, Bella leapt from her seat and fought her way into the hostile knot. _How could all these people have gotten in front of me already? _In her mind, she saw Emmett laughing and shaking his head.

Bella craned her neck around the giggly girls blocking her view. _My God, he is so beautiful and shy and humble and perfect. _As Bella watched one lucky girl after the next step up close and have her carefully measured turn with Edward, her stomach curled and twisted into a tight pretzel-shaped ball of anxiety. _What in the hell am I going to say?_

Of course she'd had a meticulously prepared speech—Bella Swan was a woman who'd built a life and career on staging everything oh-so-carefully—but that was all out the window now.

"You're up next, miss. _Miss_?" Bella's attention snapped to an efficient, rail-thin blonde reaching for the book-filled tote. "We'll hang onto your belongings while you have your photo with Mr. Cullen. Would you like a hug or side-by-side pose?"

"I'm sorry, is that a trick question?" Bella asked, causing the woman to smile.

"Not exactly. The side-by-side tends to produce a clearer photo, but the hug is a hug, so . . ." she trailed off. "Okay, I think you just gave me your answer."

Bella felt a bony arm wrap around her waist as the woman pushed her forward, skillfully sliding the purse off her shoulder at the same time. "Three minutes. Remember to breathe," she said, just before giving Bella one last shove into the outstretched hand of Edward Cullen.

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note:** EEEEP! SHE IS TOUCHING HIM! HE IS TOUCHING HER!

Funny, I hadn't really thought about it until the reviews started coming in (which is one reason I love this process so dang much) but in my very first story in only chapter 2, I DID kill off Esme. Hey, I had to! How else would little Edward have met his babysitter crush in _The Cliffs_? That was kinda ballsy, huh? *grins* No worries this time; she lives.

May I just say how WONDERFUL it is to see all of you people again? I know I've been in man-love world for a long time, and the timing of this posting fit beautifully with the wrapping up of my final tale in the KEA saga over on my blog. So, here we are again...a boy and a GIRL and yeah, a gay boy too, but he's not the central character this time! (And thanks a ton, AustenDevotee, for suggesting the Emmett-Edward side story, which is now churning in ways it has no business doing!)

This story was a fluffy escape for me when I wrote it, and now it is again when I read your lighthearted reviews. Thank you for your support and appreciation. It really means the world to me. See you soon! MWAH!

XOXO  
~boh


	4. Chapter 4

**~WRONG NUMBER 4~**

"Hi. Thanks for coming out today," the most magnificent voice on the planet was saying while the most elegant set of fingers ever created by a clearly benevolent Higher Power was grasping her hand.

_Oh. My. God._

_Breathe!_

_Speak!_

"Uh . . . hi?" _Hi? *&amp;#^ #*~^* SERIOUSLY?_

His green eyes were a million times more agonizing in person than any picture she'd ever stared at online, even the photoshopped ones! _How on earth was a person supposed to think in his presence?_

"Hi again," he said, adding a grin that made her woozy. "So nice to meet you . . .?"

"Oh! Me? Yeah . . . it's Bella," she babbled. _Where'd all the oxygen go_? she wondered as his body heat mingled with hers. "Oh my god, you're so tall!"

_Absolutely brilliant._

"Thank you, _Bella_."

_Oh. My. GOD! He said my name! He's SMILING!_

The smile that launched a thousand fantasies! Right in front of her! The self-deprecating I-don't-deserve-all-the-hype lip curl! The shadow of scruffy goodness waiting to be licked.

_Do not lick him. Do NOT lick him. DO NOT lick him!_

"You're welcome?" _And the lame award goes to . . ._

This time, when he smiled, there was the softest little puff of a laugh. She stepped a tiny bit closer, hoping he wouldn't notice her brazen move but praying his next breath would caress her cheek.

"So, _Bella, _you wanted a hug?"

_He said my name again!_ His million-carat emeralds sparkled like bright green stars—do emeralds even come in carats?—as he bent to look for her answer.

_Did she want a hug from Edward Cullen?_

Bella swallowed the golf ball sitting in her throat and choked out an answer. "Yes, please."

Reaching his arm around her shoulders, the man she idolized, respected, dreamed about both asleep and awake, and—let's face it—_loved with every fiber of her being _pulled her gently into his side as if not quite sure she wouldn't implode at his touch.

"How did I get so lucky—a beautiful girl AND good manners," he teased, catching her blush out of the corner of his eye.

"I bet you say that to all the girls," she mumbled like a giddy, cliché fangirl as he skimmed his palm over the curve of her bare shoulder and down her arm. His other hand reached across her belly and met its mate at her elbow. She was inside the circle of Edward Cullen's body; her life was basically complete.

Leaning in so close that his lips were touching her ear, he replied, "No, I absolutely do not. Most of these girls are animals. You have no idea!"

"Actually, I do," Bella answered. His rich scent—a mixture of laundry detergent and minty, manly body wash—wafted into her lungs. Edward Cullen's vital, life-pumping organ beat against her cheek, and she memorized its rhythm so she could replay it later, when brain functions would hopefully return.

"You might want to smile and look toward the camera." Dazzling her all over again with the full-on smile he so rarely used for his posed pictures, Edward turned slightly toward the tripod, his eyes taking a detour over the pointy mounds she'd so deliberately bolstered for just that purpose.

_Edward Cullen just looked at my boobs!_

The bright flash barely registered in her addled mind, but apparently the picture-taking was supposed to be her cue to move on. Blondie appeared on Bella's other side, tugging her by the elbow even as Edward seemed to be reluctant to open his arms.

_Yeah, right, Bella. Next, he'll beg you to stay and wrap himself around your ankles like a toddler having a tantrum._

"Thank you again for all your support for this project, Bella. It was such a pleasure to meet you."

"Don't forget your bags," Blondie said with an appalling lack of emotion, considering the woman was tearing Bella away from her one and only shot with Edward Cullen.

_But he doesn't even know who I am! _Her outrage was the sledge hammer that finally smashed through the dazed passivity.

"Wait!"

Edward's head whipped around at Bella's half-hysterical outburst.

"How's your mother?"

His eyes narrowed. "My mom?"

_Crap! You are fuh-reaking the man out!_

Blondie's grip tightened on Bella's arm. "This way, miss."

"You sent me flowers!"

"What? I did?" His perfect, symmetrical forehead was lined with confusion. "I'm sorry, I really don't understand."

"_Hale here. I have a CNJ emergency up front. Immediate assistance required!_"

Edward looked on with pity as a huge, extremely serious-looking security guard grabbed Bella by the elbow and dragged her away from the love of her life.

"Let's go, sweetheart. Nobody wants trouble."

She knew that _keep-the-crazy-lady-calm-until-she's-outside _voice; she'd used it often. _And now you're the crazy lady in the story._

How could she let it end this way, with him thinking she was just another of his lunatic fans and not "the one" who saw the real Edward Cullen? Frantic to make him understand, Bella shouted over her shoulder. "You called me last night!"

"Sure he did, sweetheart. And he'll call you again tonight," the security guard replied.

"_Wait_!"

_Oh my God! That voice!_

"Hang on a second!" Edward Cullen's hand was on her shoulder. Bella dug her heels into the rubber flooring. Finally, the spikes were proving useful!

The guard turned around and leveled Edward with a menacing glare. "Let me do my job, sir."

"Yes, Edward, let him." Blondie was insisting from the opposite side. "You've got a whole line of people here who paid good money to have their piece of you."

"He's not an exhibit in some damn zoo!" _Oh, shit! I think I said that._

All three of them turned to look at Bella, but she only had eyes for one. And damn, if he wasn't looking at her differently right now. Gone was the pity, and in its place, she could have sworn she saw respect.

"Rose, please," he begged, "give me this?"

Bella held her breath as Blondie made her decision. The scarlet line of the woman's lips turned down into a harsh frown, and she tapped the tip of her bony finger right into the pocket of Edward's shirt. "Fine, five minutes, but you're telling _them_, and _you,_" she said, indicating the bouncer, "stay close."

Dazzling Bella once more with his crinkly-eyed smile, Edward said, "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere?"

_As if she could have moved! _Taking her stunned head shake for a yes, Edward turned back to the line of adoring fans and said something Bella couldn't hear. For all they could have cared, he was telling them the building was on fire. Edward Cullen was speaking, and that was all that mattered. She could totally relate.

Ignoring the security guard's hostile arm-crossing and Blondie's angry hiss, Bella stood planted where she was, gathering her courage and her wits. Her heart rate spiked as Edward jogged back to her side. "Sorry about that," he said. "You're the girl from last night, aren't you?"

The woman at Bella's side let out a judgmental sigh, but Edward ignored her. "Jazz told me you'd be here today, but he failed to tell me your name, and now I feel like a giant ass."

"Oh god, no. Your ass is perfect! I did not just say that. I think I might throw up."

_"Barf bucket STAT!" _Blondie announced into her wrist with a sterile efficiency that made Bella want to bash her teeth in. But she had bigger problems right now—Edward was laughing at her.

"You're fine," he said, stepping close and taking both her hands in his. "Why didn't you tell me who you were so I could properly thank you?"

She rocked on her feet as the fantasy of Edward's thank you kiss played across her mind. "I . . ." She shook her head, hoping against hope that he might understand.

Smiling at her, Edward mirrored her head shake. "You . . .?"

"You!" Bella offered back by way of explanation, but Edward's head was still shaking. "You're confusing me!"

"What am _I_ doing?" He chuffed. Edward Cullen knew damn well what he was doing, but if he wanted a list, she certainly had one at the ready.

"It's not just what you're doing right this moment: standing there all beautiful and smiling at me and smelling like a damn basket of fresh laundry and . . ." she looked down at their joined hands, "_touching_ me . . . with _those_! It's what you've been doing for the last seventeen years! Your writing . . . it gets to me, okay? You see that bag your pit-bull is holding?" Edward's gaze shifted for a second before returning. "I have every single word you've ever written, and I fell in l—I was a fan long before Bengela or the Jimmy Fallon water war or the tight green pants!"

"Oh, god. Not those damn pants."

"I know, right? I hated what your so-called fans did to you! I mean, if you want to walk around commando, that's your choice, right?"

_Yes, folks, I just talked to Edward Cullen about his penis. And now I shall die._

"I guess," he answered, a hot pink blush rising on his cheeks.

"I am definitely going to throw up now," I told him. "I'm sorry. This is not how this whole thing went in my fantasies." _Yep, just said that out loud, too. _"I am the definition of lame."

"That's not what Jasper told me."

Bella met his eyes, and in them, she found nothing but kindness. "No?"

"Nope. He said you went out of your way to track down the call, and thank God you did because having Allie there was a huge shot in the arm for Mom—for both of us, really. If things hadn't worked out the way they had . . ." Edward's voice trailed off as he bit the inside of his cheek, and Bella thought she saw a tear in the corner of his eye.

"I'm so glad she's all right. I was worried sick!"

Edward's eyebrows popped up, but then he shook his head and smiled. "You're very sweet."

"For a crazy nut job," she replied.

"You're familiar with the term?"

"I'm in the business, too. We get our share."

The two exchanged knowing grins.

"Look, Bella, Rose is about to cut us off, and I'd really like to continue this conversation."

"You would?"

He laughed again. "Absolutely, plus I have at least an hour's worth of book signing in that bag."

Bella was smiling so hard it strained her cheek muscles. "Yes, you do."

"I'm not usually this forward, but I'm only in town for one night, and I don't want to leave without seeing you again. By any wild chance, are you free tonight?"

She rolled her eyes, because could there possibly be a person on this earth she'd rather spend the night with? "I think that could be arranged."

"That's great!" Edward gave her his full-on, off-the-record smile, and it occurred to Bella for the first time that he thought she might turn him down. "Can I call you when I'm through here? I don't know how long this is gonna take."

"Of course." _I'll just be sitting at home pinching myself._

Reaching into his back pocket, Edward grabbed his phone and started fiddling with it. Bella watched, mesmerized, as his elegant fingers danced over the screen. "Mind giving me your number?"

He looked up expectantly, fingertip poised over the numbers.

"Is that a trick question?" A giggle broke free, and once she started, Bella couldn't stop. Edward tipped his head, confused for a second until he figured it out.

"Nice work, genius."

Bella giggled some more. "Hey, we're not even close to even!"

"Yeah, okay, whatever," he answered with a good-natured smile. "Oh, wow, I see what happened. Your number is only one off from Allie's. I guess I was pretty frantic last night."

_Lucky for me,_ Bella thought.

"Wait 'til Mom hears about this," Edward said. "She's always trying to fix me up with nice girls. I guess it took her having a damn heart attack to do it."

Bella felt a fresh wave of heat lick up from her neck to her forehead. "I'm not sure what to say to that. Tell your mom thanks, I guess?"

Edward laughed. "Let's get you into my contacts . . ." Not looking up, he tapped out a whole lot more than the five letters of her name, grinning to himself all the while.

"What'd you call me, 'Wrong Number CNJ?"

"Not hardly," he answered, smiling even bigger.

"What? You're not gonna tell me? That's kind of rude!"

Edward burst out laughing. "Did you store _my_ name?"

"Of course I—umm . . ." _There was no fucking way she was showing him that._

"You started it, Bella." His chin tipped toward Bella's handbag. "You show me yours, and I'll show you mine."

Digging into some reserve of dignity she wasn't sure she knew she possessed, Bella came out with, "We haven't even had our first date yet!"

Edward's smile stretched all the way up to his eyes. "Playing hard to get—I like it!"

"Is that what you'd call this?" _Drooling, fawning, flirting, blushing . . ._

"Time's up, Edward." Blondie interrupted. "The villagers are sharpening their pitchforks. You two are gonna have to wrap this up."

"Until later, Bella." Before she could process his swift movement, Edward had leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek.

Her voice was a whisper she wasn't even sure he heard—"Later, Edward Cullen"—until he turned back and smiled one last time, adding a playful wink.

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note: **He speaks. She is bedazzled. There was no vomit, no fainting, no untoward bodily functions. WAY TO GO, Bella! Thank you all for your support for this little fluff-n-stuff. It's a pleasure sharing it with you. Hope you enjoyed it. XXX ~BOH


	5. Chapter 5

**~WRONG NUMBER 5~**

True to his word, Emmett sent "one of the boys" to pick up Bella, which suited her fine. No way could she have kept her big date from Emmett, and no way could she have handled his teasing right now—benevolent or not. She thanked Hector for the ride and finally let her heart celebrate as she rode up the elevator.

That line of fangirls was at least two hours long, she estimated, even if nobody else got more than the allotted three minutes. She allowed herself a smug smile right there. Even so, how could there possibly be enough time to get herself properly gussied up for the date of her life?

Of course, she had absolutely no idea where he was taking her or what they might do. He didn't live in San Francisco now, but he'd grown up in Pacific Heights and lived here until about twelve years ago when his books started taking off. After rolling through all her options, Bella decided to stick with what she was wearing. He'd obviously liked what he'd seen, so why risk it? Although those heels were an accident waiting to happen. _He won't mind leaning down to kiss me!_

Besides, she'd rather spend the time boning up on _Warrior From a Simpler Time_ than fussing with her hair again, and if he wanted the kind of girl who'd rather spend hours putting on makeup than reading his words, better he should find out now she wasn't for him.

_Does it count as sitting home waiting for the phone to ring when you already have a date set up? _Bella wasn't sure she cared. The book was on her chest, and her phone was just below, resting on her belly. Fully charged, volume turned all the way up, the phone was primed for his call—and so was Bella.

What she wasn't ready for was the text that came in at 5:35, vibrating on her stomach while the chime startled the book right out of her hands.

"Crap!" Bella twisted to retrieve the book, and her phone slid onto the floor. "Damn! Good thing I'm not operating any heavy machinery tonight!" Finally settled with phone and book in her hands, she looked at the screen.

**Edward OMGOMGOMG Cullen! sent a text**

**_Remember me?_**

Bella spent a few seconds gawping. Somewhere, deep in her heart, she must not have expected him to follow through, but there it was. And what about that contact name she'd typed in? Would she have the balls to leave it like that for their little game of show-and-tell?

Quick, answer the guy!

**Hmm, vaguely.**

**_How quickly they forget! I'm the tall guy... perfect ass...wrote a few books...ring any bells?_**

He was really pushing it. _Do I dare?_

**I remember the ass part. ****  
**

_Eep! I am sarcasm flirting with Edward Cullen!_

**_So you do remember me! Just finished my session. Still up for getting together?_**

**Is that a trick question?**

**_Ha! Love that sense of humor of yours. My fingers are getting sore from texting- gonna call you._**

_Edward Cullen is going to call me ON PURPOSE!_

She shouldn't have been so startled when the phone jumped and lit up in her hand or when Sarah MacLachlan's voice blared from the tiny speaker singing, "In the arms of an angel, fly away from here . . ."—especially since she'd only added the ringtone an hour earlier after spending those precious few seconds in his arms. And here he was, in her phone in her happy room of Edwardness. _Answer the damn thing already!_

"Hello?"

"Hello, Bella."

_I'm talking to Edward Cullen again! Shouldn't the thrill have worn off? Why am I still giddy? Gah!_

"Hi. So how are your fingers doing?" Bella slapped her palm against her forehead so hard, she was sure he could hear it.

A burst of laughter spilled into her ear. "Everything still works. Don't worry."

_Edward's fingers . . . working . . . on her . . . in her. Not helping._

"You sound like you're walking."

"Yep, heading to my zip car. You want to text me your address so I can find you, or should I make Jazz earn his five percent?"

"I don't think that will be necessary. I'm at 3714 Capp Street."

"In the Mission?"

"Yup.

"That's perfect. I should be there in about fifteen minutes. Does that give you enough time?"

"For what?"

More chuckling coming from his end of the phone. "For whatever it is that girls do before a date."

_He said the word! It's a DATE!_

"I'm not sure what others girls do, but once my hair is dry, it's basically a swipe of lip gloss and I'm out the door."

Edward was quiet for too long, breaking his silence with, "Can you hear me now?"

"Yes."

"Sorry. Lost you in the bowels of the garage there for a couple minutes. Last thing I heard was lip gloss."

"You have me on Bluetooth, right? I wouldn't want to be responsible for you driving irresponsibly."

"Are you kidding me, Bella? You are totally responsible! I'm going way above the speed limit here, and it's all your fault."

A thrill rippled down Bella's spine. Edward Cullen was speeding for her! And apparently, keeping her on the line until he arrived at her doorstep.

"Be careful. Sheesh!"

"Aww, you're worried about me. That's sweet." She caught a shift away from teasing and breezy to something warmer and more intimate—a glimpse of the man who kissed her cheek earlier.

Tucking Edward's voice between her shoulder and ear, Bella switched topics before she slid too far down that rabbit hole. "So, what are we doing tonight?"

"Oh, you know, usual first date stuff. Romantic dinner, long walk on the coast, a little hand-holding, maybe a first kiss if I get lucky . . ."

_Yeah, a romance writer could probably plan a pretty decent date_. Bella closed her eyes, drifted right inside his vignette, and filled out the movie set: a man and a woman walking side-by-side, trailing lazy footprints in the wet sand; each dangling a pair of discarded shoes off a fingertip or two while the inside hands reach for each other across the space between them; two no-longer-strangers stopping, glancing longingly at each other, leaning in . . .

"Did I lose you again?"

_Fuck!_

"No, I'm here."

"So you don't mind the little detour?"

_Detour? Huh? Crap!_

A giant wave crashed over the two fantasy lovers, obliterating their footprints and washing away their almost-kiss.

_Whatever. _A detour could only mean more time with Edward Cullen. So what if they needed to get gas? _Or condoms. _Bella grinned.

"Of course not," she answered.

"Great! I knew you'd understand. Okay, I just pulled up to your building. Shall I come upstairs and collect you?"

_Shall I take a gander into your library-shrine and check out your photo collage of my face?_

"Nope, I'll come down!" Bella popped out of her chair of great happiness, stuffed her feet into the ballet flats she'd tossed out of the closet earlier, threw her handbag over one arm—and with only a moment of _should-I-or-shouldn't-I_, grabbed the shopping bag containing the complete works of Edward Cullen—and flew out the door and down the elevator.

_Because Edward Cullen is waiting for me downstairs. For our date._

And there he was, leaning cross-legged against an electric blue Honda. His face lit up when he saw her, and it made Bella's heart leap right into her throat again.

"You match my zipcar!"

"Clearly, it doesn't take much to get you excited." _Good lord, could you please stop with the innuendos?_

"Actually, it does, but you're doing just fine," he said, pushing off the car and opening his arms. _Were they going to have another hug?_

Bella stepped into his invitation and found herself enveloped by Edward Cullen once again. He still smelled edible, but his shirt now held remnants of all the perfumed-up girls he'd posed with today. Good thing Bella wasn't the jealous type.

"You shrank," he said, pulling back to solve the mystery.

"I'm sorry; I know you love high heels, but honestly, I hate the things, and I didn't want anything to ruin this night. You don't mind, do you?"

"I love high heels? Where'd you get that nugget?" Luckily, he was smiling, but that didn't stop Bella from feeling the rush of heat across her cheeks. Seemed like this was destined to be a five-alarm day, especially if she continued to spout off "fun facts" she'd picked up from god-knows-where about the man in front of her.

"Sorry, that was idiotic of me. I swear I only believe what I hear straight from your mouth. And I won't even glance at paparazzi pictures of you! I will never support that hideously intrusive pseudo-journalism!"

Teasing Edward was back, and it was Bella's own fault. "On behalf of celebrities everywhere, I salute you."

She turned her face to the pavement, taking her blush with her. _Where was the damn rewind button?_

Edward seemed to have other ideas. Gently scooping her chin into the cup of his hand, he lifted her eyes to meet his. "Bella, I'm just messing with you. I wouldn't be here if I thought you were anything like the rest of them." He smiled at her relieved shoulder shrug. "And just for the record, I'm perfectly happy with you at any height. Hell, go barefoot if you like! In fact, you can take off all your clothes, and it would be more than fine with me!"

Bella chuffed and pressed her hand against his chest, pushing him away—but not really. "Aren't you the charmer!"

"That's what they tell me," he answered. They were doing a whole lot of grinning at each other and going nowhere. Bella liked it a lot.

"So I shouldn't believe the fan rags, but you do?"

"Oh, please," he replied, opening the door for her, "I would've slit my throat by now if I did."

"On that happy note . . ." Bella slid into the passenger seat.

Walking around the front of the car, Edward kept his eyes on her, and his grin never faded as he got behind the wheel. Swinging the Honda around the circle in front of her building, he steered them onto 21st Street.

"Thanks for being so cool with this."

_Too late to ask now_. "Sure, no problem."

Edward turned to smile at her. "She is gonna freak."

_She? Freak? _Fortunately, Edward was distracted by the left turn onto Folsom and not paying attention to Bella's heart palpitations. _Go back to the beach and the hand-holding and the kiss. Breathe._

"They transferred her here this morning. I wasn't sure I'd be able to work in a visit, but when you told me where you lived, I figured it was worth a shot," he was saying. Bella's mind was reeling, frantically assembling a jigsaw puzzle in the dark. "Believe me, Bella, it's not every girl I'd take to meet my mother on the first date!"

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note: **Gonna meet the Mama on the first date! Awww. Anyone else ever sarcasm flirted? Thought so! Hey, only one more chappie to go on this one...soon! MWAH!  
XXX ~BOH


	6. Chapter 6

**~WRONG NUMBER 6~**

_His MOTHER? Holy shit!_

Bella gasped and choked, coughing into her hand until her eyes teared up.

"You okay?" His hand curled around the back of her neck while her breathing evened out.

"Yeah," she croaked, "thanks."

"Good, because we're here. Ready?"

_When did the car stop? _Plastering on a brave smile, she shifted to face the driver. _Damn, were his eyes that green this morning?_

"Sure."

_He truly was a gentleman,_ she observed as he opened her door and helped her out. She wasn't sure she trusted her voice right now, but better to go all froggy on Edward than have his mom think she was some kind of reptile-relative.

"Glad to know the rumors about you being chivalrous are true."

He gave her a little harrumph. "Would you please pass that along? My dad is kind of a tough act to follow."

Carlisle Cullen, pediatric oncology rock star and proud papa, from what Bella had seen.

"I suppose I could put in a good word for you with your folks."

"My poor dad just flew in this morning, probably hasn't even showered or slept. He's still feeling miserable that he was in Switzerland presenting a paper when all this happened."

"Wow, your mom sure is lucky you happened to be in town."

"Yeah, I can't even . . ." Edward shook his head. Poor guy.

Bella hung back a respectable distance once they entered the lobby of the Cardiovascular Care and Prevention Center. While Edward checked in at the desk and got directions to his mother's room, Bella watched the receptionist do her best to act normal, but the second he turned around, the girl started fanning her face. _Who could blame her?_

"Fifth floor," he announced, reaching for the elevator button, not quite masking the quake in his hand. No matter who you are, seeing your mom laid out on a hospital bed was scary business. Bella suddenly felt like a hooker in the communion line.

"Edward, are you sure this is appropriate? I really don't mind waiting here. Take as long as you like."

His lips curled down at the edges. "You don't want to come up with me?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude. Maybe you should just be with your family."

His beautiful, slender fingers flew to his forehead and tugged at the short hairs framing his face. He stared into Bella's eyes, looking for something she couldn't have named. Bella waited while he decided her fate, utterly captivated to watch up close what she'd seen him do so many times in interviews. _God, he was so deep and lovely._

With a determined set of his jaw, Edward reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Can I show you something?"

"Of course," she answered.

With a slide, tap-tap-tap, pause, and a deep sigh, he turned to Bella. "Call me."

It only took her a few seconds to catch on, reach into her handbag, find his recent call in her log, and hit "dial." Edward's phone lit up, and heads turned as the "Super Freak" guitar intro blared from its speakers._ She's a very kinky girl . . ._

"Shit! QUIET!" He fumbled for the volume button, nearly dropping the phone before toning it down so only the two of them could hear. _The kind you won't take home to mothuh . . ._

Bella brought her phone to her mouth in an effort to mask the giggle, but his awkward moment was just too much fun. "That's what you wanted to show me? You've got me listed as 'Super Freak'?"

"No! That was supposed to be a joke. Here . . . _look!"_

He straightened his arm like a traffic cop and held out his phone. Her eyes slammed into the screen and nearly popped out of her head. Above their hugging photo from the shoot—_How the hell did he get that already?—_was his contact name for her:

**Bringingthis One Hometomama**

As she stared slack-jawed and speechless, Edward peeked cautiously around the screen, his whole face one gorgeous, tortured question mark. "So . . ." he tried, ending with an apologetic shake of his head.

"I . . . don't quite know what to say."

Edward's arm dropped to his side, and his fingers found his hair again, tugging for all they were worth. "Too soon?"

_God, he was irresistible. _She wanted to jump into his arms and kiss him all the way to tomorrow. Seeing as they were in the lobby of a very somber medical facility and had already attracted far more attention than either of them wanted, Bella settled for stepping forward and taking his phone-hand into hers. "Not too soon. Thanks for sharing."

His eyebrows lifted, and the beginning of a smile pulled at his mouth. "You're not running?"

"Who's the CNJ now? I've been waiting most of my adult life for this and never even imagined actually having the chance to meet you, let alone . . . _this_."

"Psshh, _this_. Such a dream date." Another shy shake of his head. "You'll come upstairs with me?"

"Of course."

Edward smiled his all-the-way smile, the one that always seemed his most genuine. "Thank you, Bella." He pushed the up button once more as they and their phones stood joined together.

"Don't you mean 'B.O.H.'?"

Edward rolled his eyes and pulled her into the empty elevator. "Hey, I showed you mine . . ." he started, tapping her phone and making his eyebrows dance.

"Hey! I never—oh, _fine._" _Really, what was the harm in it, especially after he'd fessed up?_ Raising her opposite hand to her cheek in a "call me" gesture, Bella gave up and gave in.

"I thought you'd never ask," Edward replied with a grin, lifting their joined hands and sending the call before she changed her mind.

_In the arms of an angel . . . fly away with me . . ._

_Shoot me now. How uncool can I get? Sarah MacLachlan, Bella. Really?_

"Oh my god! Where did you get this picture of me? It's like twenty years old!"

_Hmm, not focusing on the fact that I named him—_

"Holy shit, Bella!" Loud peals of laughter bounced off the steel walls of the elevator car. "Three OMG's and look at all those adorable exclamation points!"

_Ding!_

"Saved by the bell!" Bella's foot was through the doors before they'd fully opened.

Relishing her narrow escape, Bella didn't notice the hand around her waist until he yanked her back against his body, calling out, "Not so fast!"

Her heart banged against her ribs as the elevator doors closed, capturing them inside again—alone and together. Edward spun her around, trapping her against the wall, chest-to-chest and knees-to-knees, with a pleasant gnashing of parts in between.

Sure she'd find ridicule in his expression, Bella struggled to find a different landing spot for her gaze, but he had her locked in tight with nowhere else to look but straight into those damn moss-colored pools of splendor.

_That isn't ridicule, _she realized as Edward grabbed the back of her head and crushed her with a searing kiss.

Bella's knees buckled just as her heart stopped, and she was pretty sure she was dying, but then, what were those warm lips and hot tongue doing still moving inside her? And what were those hands running up and down her back and squeezing her ass? And what was that throbbing between her legs?

Dizzying, mind-numbing, nerve-jangling, erogenous-zone-electrifying . . . this was definitely the exact opposite of death. If not for his arms around her, Bella would've slid to the floor or possibly vaporized into the air vent above them. She was zero think and all feel, and Edward Cullen was certainly giving her plenty to feel! _God, _she wanted more! More wet kisses, more of his hungry tongue, more of those hot, grabby hands, more of his hard want pressing into her.

She thought of the tiny thong she'd purchased months ago especially for this outfit, thought about how completely useless it was right this moment, and how she'd love for him to yank it down, shove the dress up over her hips, and claim her right here and now.

_Super freak! Super freak! The kind you won't take home to mothuh . . ._

_Good god, look at me!_

With a mighty burst of self-restraint, Bella unsuctioned her lips from the man she wanted more than life itself—but not like this. Rattled and dazed, they broke apart, staring at each other and sucking down the hot, stale air as if they'd both just run the hundred-meter dash.

Edward was first to move. Tipping his chin to the ceiling, he slapped his palm to his forehead and moaned. "I can't believe I just mauled you like that. God, I'm mortified."

"Um, I didn't see anyone discouraging you."

Taking a guarded peek at her, Edward dropped his hand from his face. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'd do anything to take that back."

"Hey, don't ruin our first kiss."

He caught the glint in her eye and gave her a hopeful little smile. "Really?"

"Damn, Edward! That was . . . _damn!_"

Scooping her away from the wall and into his arms, Edward placed a soft kiss in her hair. "Yeah, it was, but boy, am I glad you slowed things down. I want to take my time with you. You're a vintage bottle of tawny port, not a six-pack of Rolling Rock!"

His words sent tingles to places even deeper than their crazed kiss had touched, but time was exactly what they didn't have. "Aren't you going back to New York tomorrow?"

"Oh, I don't know. I might just have a story or two to write in San Francisco."

His sexy grin was doing things to her—like raising her hopes. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"Hmm, I was thinking about this story I might call 'Wrong Number.' Guy dials wrong, turns out to be the best mistake he ever made."

Bella had to bite the inside of her cheek so her smile didn't crack her face in two. "Hey, wait a second! You write science fiction!"

"Sci-fi-rom-com," he corrected.

"Okay, fine. Where's the sci-fi?"

Edward's eyes took a quick dip to her chest, and he answered with a grin, "I'm giving you three boobs."

"What? You're horrible! I don't want three boobs!"

"You'll have to appeal to the author, but I can promise you, it'll be a tough sell."

"Hmph! Seems like the rags got one thing right about you!"

"Guilty." With the admission, he bought himself a good, long look.

Bella rolled her eyes, but it was more so he didn't focus on her blush than true irritation. "Fine. I'm a three-boobed mistake."

"You are anything but a mistake, Bella." He lifted her face with his warm palm on her cheek and beamed those come-hither eyes right at hers. "I haven't quite decided what you are, but I know I'm going to have one delightfully long time figuring it out."

His sweet kiss told her she was going to enjoy the ride, too.

"If we don't get out of this elevator soon, I'm gonna pass out." Bella reached for the button to open the doors.

"Hang on," he said, grabbing her hand mid-air. "I don't even know your last name."

"It's Swan."

"Swan. Bella Swan . . . _sweet._"

"May I push the button now, Edward?"

"Sure, Bella Swan," he answered. "Hey, don't swans mate for life?"

The doors opened onto a giant rotunda with a nursing station at the center. Bella hooked her hand around Edward's elbow. "Did you just propose on our first date, Edward Cullen?"

He chuckled as they moved toward his mother's room. "Not yet. Just doing a little background research for my story."

"I see. Ask away."

"I take it your favorite color is blue?"

"No. That would be _your_ favorite color."

He paused, gave her a slow once-over, and chuckled again. "You really have to stop believing everything you read."

If Emmett had said something like that to her, she probably would've socked him in the arm, but this guy . . . she rested her cheek against his arm and sighed.

"Oh, Bella, there is so much I don't know about you. Brothers?"

"Nope."

"Sisters?"

"Nope."

"Only child? Hmmm, wait until Alice gets a hold of you!"

"Should I be scared?"

"A little. So . . . what else do I need to know about you? Hmm, what do you do for work?"

"Oh." _Beautiful. _"I, um . . ." Jock straps and bowling balls and glow-in-the-dark paint and hot, writhing, gorgeous boys.

Edward stopped short. "Bella, why are you blushing?"

She lifted a hand to her hot cheek and tried very hard to look away from his amused grin, but he was doing one of those bob-and-weave moves, always ending up right in front of her. "I know you're not a hooker; you'd be way better at walking in heels."

"Uh!" That deserved a whack, and she balled up a fist and gave it to him right in the arm.

"Ouch! Sorry!" He rubbed his arm, waffling between surprise and contrition and not quite deciding which one worked. "Come on, how am I gonna write my three-boobed heroine if you don't give up the goods?"

"Okay. You asked for it!" Bella took a deep yoga-breath, tangled her fingers into a nervous ball in front of her stomach, and fixed her stare on Edward. If she was doing this, he was going to be stuck right here with her. "I am the production manager for Gifted Boys. Do you know what that is?"

The smirk was gone, but he wasn't running either. His head went side-to-side. "No, but production manager is cool."

_Here goes. _"We produce promotional videos; our lead client is James Hunter Designs, sexy underwear for well-endowed men."

"Oh." Edward wasn't moving, wasn't smiling, wasn't joking around, wasn't touching her. "So, these guys you work with, the . . . _actors_?"

"Models," she offered.

"The models . . . the well-endowed models . . . umm . . . do you date these guys?"

She bit her lip to hold in the snort and the _"I wish."_

"No, Edward. They're all gay. Extremely and blissfully gay."

"Oh." Relief. More pondering. A question. "But you've seen pretty much everything . . . they have to offer?"

_Ohhhh. _They were talking about Edward's penis again, weren't they?

"Yep." Bella raised her eyebrows and waited while Edward chewed on his words. "Edward, you're not feeling . . ."

His hands met his hips as he finished her question. "_Insecure_?"

_Gulp. Keep your eyes on his face. Do NOT look down._

Bella shrugged.

Edward's serious face cracked a wide smile as he reached his hands around her back and pulled her against his body—his very hard, very _erect_ body. Tracing the curve of her ear with his fingertip, he leaned down and cleared away the hair between his lips and her ear. "Can I let you in on a not-so-little secret, Bella Swan?"

His warm breath on her neck tickled her all the way to her toes, stopping for a lovely detour about halfway down.

"Mmhmm," she answered without moving a single muscle.

"The rumors about my manhood are _not_ . . . exaggerated."

Bella sucked in a sharp breath, answered by a soft chuckle in her ear. "So," he murmured low and sexy, "ready to meet my mom?"

**~W#~**

* * *

**Author's Note**: Yeah I put myself right into this story. Hey, a pumpkin's gotta have a little fun once in a while! Hope you enjoyed this little fantasy of mine. Huge shout-out to Ladyeire, who not only perfected this banner for me but also story stormed until the plot worked itself out. Don't you all steal her now, but she is an amazing plot coach! And my sweet, sweet Sue, thank you for always telling me when I have spinach between my teeth and just how to get it out! On top of that, you are one hell of a writing partner not to mention being an amazing friend. MWAH.

I want to thank Tarbecca for rec'ing this story over at ADF for me and bringing me a bunch of great new readers! Welcome to my crazy world and thank you for coming to say hello!

For all of you lovelies who sweetly "complained" that this story is too short, I just checked my word count here on fanfic, and I have archived 879,000+ words, NOT COUNTING all of my racier stories over on my blog, easily over a million more. SO...if it's my words you want, I say HAVE AT IT! And thank you for the lovely compliment of wanting more, but this story is told. Sometimes, the beginning of the love story is all we need. I'm sure you guys can take it from here! MWAH!

Hope you all had a chance to donate to the cause and read all the other fine stories from the Fandom Gives for Disaster Relief compilation. Special thanks to Mina, Ana, and Ysar for organizing the event and asking me to help. XOXOXO  
BOH


End file.
